It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
