I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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