Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
