I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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