I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
