yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
