Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
bring money and cleavage
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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