thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
