....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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