well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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