That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry about my life...
and you fell through a lawn chair
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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