I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
