meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
