that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
