She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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