i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
