this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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