I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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