he thought i was a dude.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dick very happy bro
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
