I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
