the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
