Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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