He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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