he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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