Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
