dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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