also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
