Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
