Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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