tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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