And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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