wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
