apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
