That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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