I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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