I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
