So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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