SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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