i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
