I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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