Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
