Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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