good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
