Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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