Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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