If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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