It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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