THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
