I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
