Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
