I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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