Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
