We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
