So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
