We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we're making bets on your personal life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
