puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
