I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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