I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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