...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
