I cockslap morals
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
