i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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