So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
