How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
