I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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